


Bashing Balls.

by Lady_GothiKa



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: - Humour, Alternate Universe, Anders is full of Sass, But everyone hates him, GENKIBOWL!!!, Gun Violence, Hawke just won't stop laughing, Mobsters vs Medieval Psychopaths, Pandas will die, Steelport, This is....odd, and Fenris is broody but also lovable., lots of swearing, strange crossover, violence duh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2019-03-21 05:18:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13733958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_GothiKa/pseuds/Lady_GothiKa
Summary: Matt Miller was your typical emo guy who just so happened to be a hacking genius...so it wasn't much surprise that everyone hated him.After years of being turned by every form of Nyteblade, he decided to move on...And so in his last ditch efforts to stop being 'that' friend, he created a devise from scraps of alien technology and a 'borrowed' computer to form a object capable of not only creating a simulation, but extracting what he desired into his world...(Unfortunately) for him, the man he desired just so happened to already be taken...And get dragged with him...Also Anders........And Anders RUINED EVERYTHING.(Dragon Age\Saints Row Crossover)





	Bashing Balls.

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS THE WEIRDEST F*CKING THING EVER. I KNOW.
> 
> But couldn't you just imagine, Hawke...Fenris and Anders playing Genkibowl?!
> 
> Don't judge XD

**A Saint for One and ALL**

 

 

 

"No - no, this can't be happening! Blast it... _SHIT_." Matt yelled at the top of his lungs as the machine he had been working on night and day for the last three weeks decided glitch at the last minute. "No, no... I will not allow you to give up on me now, too much is at stake!" His fingers typed as hard as they possibly could with his black gel polished nails chipping with fast amount of speed and precision.

 

Smoke drifted from the bottom as the sounds of fans rattling in his ears sent waves of horror through his mind, _"You will not die on me!"_ His earphones fell to his neck as he moved from the keyboard to the switches and power-bank, cords were pulled and toggles flicked, the steam and smoke filled the room making him cough with spatter. _"Shit...shit...SHIT."_ Carbon monoxide was filling his lungs as his shirt was pulled up to cover mouth from the toxic fumes.

 

One last switched was flicked and the ceiling vents powered up sucking the smoke from within the room, "Shit.. _.baby, I've been good to you."_ Matts head slummed against his computer with a slam of his hand.

 

 _"Matt, what was all that screaming?"_ A muffled voice asked through the door as the door was knocked twice rapidly awaiting answers.

 

 _"Kinzie?!"_ Matt paused slamming his laptop screen closed, "Nothing, don't come in...I am... _nude_." He said as his palm greeted his face with a slap.

 

"What? I am not falling for that again!" Kinzie kicked the door open with one single hit.

 

_"MATT?!"_

 

"Kinzie?" Matt replied covering his face.

 

"Is...is that?-" Kinzie paused with her face turning red and her glasses fogging up from the heat within the room, _"IS THAT MY SUPER-COMPUTER?!"_

 

"WHAT? No...no..." Matt's voice lowered, "No, I would never Kinzie! I swear I bought it!"

 

"Excuse me?" She tossed her head to the side with a kink, "This is my computer!"

 

Matt's hands trembled through his pocket to pull out his phone stuck tight to his thigh in his skinny jeans. "Look...see!" His fingers pressed away bringing up the screen to show Kinzie the solid proof.

 

Kinzie snatched the phone from his hands, reading over the screen... "eBay? - THE BOSS SOLD MY COMPUTER ON EBAY?!"

 

Matt nodded quickly fearing Kinzie's red-headed wrath. "I swear I had no idea it was yours - If I only knew!"

 

 

"SHUT IT." She yelled, walking further into the room, his phone still in her hand as she inspected her computer, though something was wrong, horrifically wrong... "What the fuck did you do to it?!"

 

"I...Er.. I thought it was my mine...so I modified it with my own..."

 

 

Kinzie's eyes widened in horror to see all the damage he had caused, why would the Boss sell her computer...what was Matt doing. Matt began to speak as Kinzie raised her hand, "NO." She yelled bringing his phone to her site dialing the Boss's number as quick as she could.

 

 ** _"The number you are calling is currently unavailable please try again later."_** The voice rang in her ear as she entered the number.

 

 _"FUCK."_ Kinzie swore at the phone trying another number. This time she heard a dial tone ringing, it rang once...than twice until she finally hear the clicking sound of someone answering.

 

"BOSS?!" Kinzie yelled.

 

Matt sat back watching her pace through the room as Kinzie threw of her coat in a fit of rage swearing at his phone in her hand.

 

_"YOU SOLD MY COMPUTER?"_

_"NO, JUST BECAUSE YOU STOLE IT, DOESN'T MAKE IT YOURS."_

_"WHAT? I DON'T CARE IF YOU AND GAT NEED MORE AMMO, THIS WAS MY PROPERTY."_

 

_"FINE, BUT I WON'T EVER FORGET THIS."_

 

Kinzie lowered the phone looking at the screen then back to Matt, "He hang up on me, that ass!" The phone was thrown across the room at Matt, "I can't believe this, after everything... He has the guts to sell my crap on eBay!"

 

Matt coughed awkwardly grasping his phone tightly in his hands from it being thrown at him. "I...Uh... Maybe it's because The Saints don't need you anymore.. _. I am the better hacker after all_..." He shrugged is shoulders.

 

A fist was raised high towards Matt, "Do you want to be punched, because that is how you get punched!" Kinzie hissed through her teeth towards the stupid boy who stole\bought her computer.

 

"What where you even trying to do with it?" She breathed out, trying to maintain her anger to a minimum level though she found it hard within her means. "So god help you, if you say anything to do with _Nyte Blayde."_

 

"Oh well..." Matt stood straightening out his fridge with his fingers, "I ah, was building a device with of the hardware picked up from Zinyak, it mostly contained strange inscriptions and it was almost impossible to hack and yet, I managed too!"

 

 _"Annnnnd..."_ Kinzie scoffed with a bitter voice, "What was on it?" She asked almost intrigued.

 

"Lost simulations mostly, ones from the beginning that were scarped, but however some of them contained astounding information dating back years in the making. With the information I gathered I was able to, uh...replicate and create new simulations, even from here..."

 

Kinzie folded her arms with a frown, "So you're making a new simulation...of what exactly?!"

 

"You know...of nothing serious of course...just in case..." Matt tugged at his collar on his coat, "I was trying... To import a video game character into our world..." He signed out loud, it sounded so much cooler in his head.

 

"Uh...what?" Kinzie blinked her eyes, "You found earth shattering information and decide to waste it on bringing video game characters to life?!"

 

"Er...yes...?" Matt shrugged pursing his lips.

 

 

\--

 

 

 

"This is the worst idea you have ever had, Matt." Kinzie shook her head as she typed away onto the computer, "But if you give me back my computer, yeah, I'll help you... _this once_." She squinted her eyes towards him. "What character did you choose? - please make it a half decent one..."

 

  "Pfft, I am not telling you anything Kinzie, not till it is done...this has to be perfect, no mistakes and do _EVERYTHING_ I say, okay?!"

 

"Yes...yes...jeez, fine." Kinzie pushed up her glasses on the bridge of her nose as she typed away at the keys as everything slowly loaded away.

 

"Alright...alright, are you ready?" Matt called.

 

"Yeah." Kinzie said with a bored tone.

 

"PRESS ENTER."

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Meanwhile in Thedas... YEAR 9:37 DRAGON, 9:45PM SATURDAY NIGHT.**

 

 

 

 

Hawke looked down at his cards, he had a good hand going and he knew it. "Alright," He mumbled pushing ten silver coins into the middle of the table, "Fenris?"

 

"Mhm...yes, I see..." Fenris looked at his cards, they could be better but it could of been a lot worse as well, five silver coins where pushed into the pile as he reached down and took his tankard in hand sipping on his ale.

 

"Anders?" Hawke asked, looking to the blonde doctor who scrunched his nose up at his cards, "Hawke are you sure you shuffled these?" Anders asked.

 

"Obviously..." Hawke rolled his eyes, "Are you in or are you out?"

 

Anders scratched his head ruffling up his bun in his long locks of honey hair, "Ah...oh... Mhm..." Anders flicked through his cards slowly taking for ages.

 

 _"OH MY GOD ANDERS, DECIDE."_ Hawke roared over the table, fed up with Ander's slowness. _"Out,"_ Anders mumbled placing his cards down, "I don't know where you get the idea, I can even afford to keep up with you too." Anders frowned towards Hawke as he too grabbed his cup for a drink.

 

"Then perhaps you should get a real job, mage." Fenris grinned over his cards.

 

"Helping the poor is a job, elf... Though do tell, how much does one get for being The Champion of Kirkwall's gigolo?!" Anders smirked back with his hands placed together.

 

Fenris closed his eyes as Hawke pounded his fist down on the table with laugher, _"BUUUURN!"_ He yelled towards Fenris.

 

 _"Exactly, that's what I thought."_ Anders stood straightening out his robe and dusting it off as he walked over to the bar.  

 

"Did I ever tell you I hated mages?" Fenris frowned towards Hawke, _"All of them."_

 

"Yes, I think you have mentioned once or twice." Hawke shook his head, "Now c'mon, show daddy the sugar." Hawke pointed towards his cards.

 

Fenris shook his head as he placed them down softly on the table, "If I win, please stop referring to yourself as _daddy."_

 

Hawke counted his cards with his hazy eyes and a laugh, "Not today, **_daddy_** is bringing home the bacon." Hawke lowed his hand to the table revealing his cards with a smile.

 

"Shit." Fenris slipped, "I mean...yeah, shit." He said rolling his eyes.

 

"You know what this means...right?" Hawke bit his lip, watching his white haired elven lover stand up at the end of the table slamming his chair in with a red flusted face. "Uh...uh...now Fenris, not the shirt." Hawke crossed his arms as Fenris begun to pull it off, "Hawke...no... Here?!" Fenris turned to the crowded pub embarrassed.

 

"Fenris, we're in the Hanged Man, everyone has seen a half naked elf before..." Hawke shook his head.

 

Fenris rolled his head back with a sign, _"You are worst than the slave masters of Tevinter."_ Fenris scoffed with his dark broody voice as he started pulling on the strings of his leather leggings. His hands gripped the waist band as he slowly pulled them down and off, pealing down from his skinny knees.

 

A loud wolf whistle came from behind as Fenris turned his head and squinted his eyes with a glare to see Anders with a smirk and two fingers in his mouth, _"I like what I am seeing!"_ Anders gushed holding the tray of drinks, " _Someone should draw a picture, I'll keep it in my robes and hug it at night when I get lonely..."_

 

"Very funny, mage." Fenris curled his lip as he threw his leather leggings at Hawke. "Here, take them...mark my words Hawke you will pay for this."

 

"Nope, I don't think so Fenris..." Hawke grabbed the sliver from the center from the table, "I believe you are paying for this..." Hawke winked as he looked back to Anders, "Hurry up Andy, get your skinny mage ass over here."

 

"Alright...alright...keep your knickers on Hawke." Anders swayed over with his drunken stance.

 

 

\--

 

 

A light flashed within Fenris' eyes, he turned his head but saw nothing, "Odd..." He mumbled.

 

"What is? - You losing...no, that's not odd." Hawke chuckled.

 

"No...I thought..." Fenris tilted his head and suddenly a loud _pop_ rang in his ears with a high pitch scream, "AH, FUCK!" Fenris yelled, standing up quickly and grasping his head with both hands with pain.

 

"OH shit!" Hawke stood as Anders slammed down the drinks, "What do we do?!" Anders yelled. Hawke didn't respond as he ran over to Fenris clutching him within his arms, "Fenris...Fenris...what's going on...what's wrong?!" He yelled as blood started to drip from his nose. "ANDERS HELP, SOMETHING IS WRONG."

 

"He is glowing...Fenris is glowing!!" Anders yelled firing up the magic in his hands, yet he had no idea what to cast..."What...do, I..?"

 

"ANYTHING... A BARRIER, SOMETHING." Hawke yelled as Fenris lost his footing and fell in Hawkes arms.

 

Fenris skin was glowing brighter and brighter, but nothing like his lyrium scars, this was something totally new. "Anders, grab him...WE HAVE TOO---"

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

**BACK IN STEELPORT FEBRUARY 2018...**

 

 

 

"Matt, what the....It says I need to enter a password?!!"

 

Matt yelled loud over the sound of the computer annoyed, _"I-HEART-NYTEBLAYDE94"_

 

Kenzie signed, she could of guessed that. Her fingers typed fast the computer hissed with smoke and coding countdowns. "It's almost done...we just...just..." Matt groaned pushing his hair back from his face as he plugged in a higher power source. "YES, _EUREKA_...PERFECT!" Matt threw his hands into the air. "Stand back Kenzie, it's downloading, O-M-F-G!"

 

A loud bang and a crashing sound filled the room, than a beam of light that few brighter and bright till it was almost blinding. "COVER YOUR EYES." Kinzie yelled, as they both shielded their faces from the impact.

 

 

***BAAAAAAAAAAAAAANG***

 

 

Matt lifted his head as pieces of dry wall littered his hair from the massive crack in the ceiling, "The Boss is...going...to...kill...you." Kenzie spoke in pauses looking up at the huge damage done to Saints HQ. "Ah, yes...but is it worth it?" Matt moved forward he could hardly see his own feet in front of him through the dust cloud that blocked his path..

 

"Hello, do you speak...English?" Matt yelled through the haze...

 

No one responded, his feet moved further in watching his step, he had to be here somewhere...Matt had dreamed of this day since he was a teenager, he needed this to have worked, _The Boss would understand, he had too._

 

"Hello? Hellooooo?" Matt coughed covering his mouth.

 

There he was...Fenris...his true love, waiting in the flash...covered in dirt, needing a gallant hero to rescue him....wearing no trousers, _Oh..._

 

"Fenris?" Matt asked looking down at the half dressed elf looking worse for wear, "You shall have no fear for me Fenris, for I am not a mage, _I AM YOUR GOD."_ Matt roared like thunder holding out his arms.

 

The room fell silent as Fenris looked up at the strange being in black, Hawke was here somewhere, he had felt him travel with him, to...where ever this place was.

 

A loud coughing came from behind Fenris, he turned his head in hopes to see Hawke, if anyone could figure out was going on it would be Hawke...yet it wasn't.

 

 

 

 

 _"Our God is a girl?"_ Anders asked wiping the soot from his eyes, followed by the loud laughter of Hawke.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is only gonna have like three chapters but it was so fun to write... XD


End file.
